Showing Up For Yourself During Fertility Treatment

Let’s talk about showing up for yourself on your fertility journey. What does that look like? We often hear messaging about allowing others to hold space and support you in times of need, but what does it mean to do that for yourself? It often looks like practicing self-compassion and being kind to yourself. I frequently talk with clients about how they would talk to or show up for a friend in need of emotional support or encouragement. I’m never surprised by the empathy, kindness and compassion that they would give to a friend, and the disdain, scorn and blame they heap on themselves.

So let’s start with the facts first. Trying to conceive through reproductive assistance is stressful! It is not only a mentally arduous, emotionally challenging journey but it is also financially taxing. As a woman, if you are partnered, you are the identified patient and thus most of the responsibility or burden of handling appointments, coordination of treatment, and payments fall on you. You become the middle man between the clinic and your partner, leaving you with handling logistics and also holding the emotional weight of a very foreign and isolating experience.

You may also have fertility issues that either caused or contributed to the need for fertility treatment that causes sadness leading to shame and feelings of betrayal by your own body. It’s hard to be honest about having these feelings and inner thoughts with ourselves let alone share them with someone else. This can compound your experience and increase feelings of being all alone and thinking that no one can understand or relate to what you are going through.

All of this can be true and it sucks. To be honest. It sucks to feel alone, angry, overwhelmed and sad- or any other bad feeling that comes up when you think of fertility treatment. And, so here is where the work of showing up for yourself starts. Right here. Right now. If you had a loved or or close friend who was going through fertility treatment, what kind and compassionate things would you say to them? What actions would show them that you care? I want you to write down what you would say and do to show up and support this loved one/close friend. Next, I want you to say those compassionate words out loud to yourself. Incorporate small kind gestures for yourself throughout your fertility treatment. If that means, scheduling time off after a fertility appointment to eat a favorite meal, take a walk with a friend or treat yourself to a coffee/tea- then do it. You are practicing compassion for yourself in small ways that can have a profound impact on your emotional wellbeing during your fertility journey. Finally, if you are finding fertility treatment too hard to deal with, reach out and schedule an appointment with a fertility counselor. We offer support and a safe space to say the quiet parts out loud without judgment and are trained to understand fertility treatment options for family building.